These Wings Of Mine
by BrittanaBandit
Summary: Some people call them guardian angels, others call them white lighters, some people call them ghosts and a few people call them miracles, the truth is we choose to stick around to take care of our loved ones. Sad/Uplifting fic, Brittana endgame.
1. Guarding Over My Own Angel

**AN: Please note that this fiction will be for the majority quite uplifting but this chapter is quite sad in my opinion.**

Prologue-

Some people call them guardian angels; others call them white lighters, some people call them ghosts and a few people call them miracles.

But the truth is they are just old souls who are bounded too earth, sworn to protect their charge until they can be united with them again.

Because sometimes our love is so strong that even the physics of the universe can't keep us away from our loved ones, sometimes the love we share with one another is strong enough for us to choose a life time silently by that person's side until they too are ready to cross over into the light.

I personally would rather stand by her side watching her live for the both of us than wait for her in Heaven.

I personally would rather guide her through the darkness and share in the joy and laughter that she will slowly learn to embrace again.

I know she can feel me sometimes. And for those few moments I get too speak to her whilst she dreams it makes the prospect of watching her grow older without me bearable.

My name is Santana Lopez, I died on an uneventful spring evening. The wind blew through the trees and the birds sang, Dashboard Confessional blared from my speakers before a truck came out of nowhere and ended my short seventeen years of life.

My parents switched off the machines that were keeping me alive exactly two weeks later, I don't remember a lot from when I was laying in that hospital bed. But I do remember the familiar delicate hand that never left my own.

I remember the smell of the blonde hair that would splay across my shoulder at night whilst my Brittany begged for me to come home and I remember the last breathe I took after they turned my ventilator off.

I remember the pinky finger that entwined with my own and my mother's broken whispers telling me from the other side of the room that it was okay, that I could go.

But then I heard that familiar voice of my love tell me how much she loved me.

That was the exact moment I knew I would rather spend a silent life time by her side, protecting her and waiting for the day that we would cross over together than step into the light that always seems to be in my peripheral vision.

A handful of people came to my funeral, people cried. My grandmother laid a rose on my casket and told me how sorry she was, I wiped away the single tear that fell from her eye and placed my hand on her shoulder. It didn't take away the pain but I know she felt my touch.

Brittany sat next to my mom and they leaned on each other as the man who stood before the crowded church talked about how I was at a better place, how my pain was gone and I was watching over my loved ones now. Never has a sentence been uttered that was so wrong and right at the same time.

I always thought that if I died young, the world would die with me.

But after they buried me in the ground the birds carried on singing, the wind continued to blow through the blossom trees that I used to chase my Britt around, Dashboard Confessional continued to make music and my mom stopped setting my place at the dining room table.

Everyone went back to the thing that was so close yet so far out of my grip. _**Living. **_Except for one.

I laid on my side of her bed whilst she spent the subsequent weeks sobbing at my absence. I'd stroke my hands down her back and for a split second she'd feel my presence. For a split second she'd feel my love.

Brittany closed her eyes and went to sleep. It was the first time she'd actually fell into a deep sleep since my passing, I lay curled around her body stroking the blonde mass of hair that stuck to her cheeks from the tears. But then her soul drifted up from her body and looked at me, the blue eyes growing wider as she looked on at herself being held tight by my tanned arms.

"Santana is this a dream?" I moved to her side before placing my lips on her own. The familiar taste of cherry chapstick and the gently flesh of her lips still the same.

"I don't know what this is Britt, every time this has happened you've startled yourself and woken up I don't know If we have much time."

I watched as the first few tears began to trickle down her cheeks "why did you leave me San? I can't live without you. I can't do this."

I sensed the panic rising in her, knowing that I needed to speak quickly before she woke herself up. "Brittany I haven't left you, I don't know if you will remember this when you wake up and if you do then it will just be a dream. But I love you Brittany and I will never abandon you. But you need to start living again, for the both of us."

I felt the pale hands reach out and grasp my own "I can't San, I don't want to live if it means being without you."

I gently cupped her cheeks, pressing my lips against her own before passing as much of the light that glows around me into her soul.

"I'm not asking you to live without me, I'm asking you to live for me. I know it's hard but we're going to do this together, tomorrow you're going to go back to school and I am going to be right by your side and if you get scared you just hold out your hand and you will know that I'm linking your pinky"

The sobs still continued to escape her lips "San, this isn't how its supposed to be, we're supposed to be curled up right now, we're supposed to be young and In love"

The first tear since it all happened made a trail down my cheek before I climbed back on the bed and next to her sleeping body, placing my pinky finger entwined with hers "we are baby, we are young and in love, and I will be curled up next to you every night you need me.

I felt her sleeping body stir before I looked up at her, "you're going to wake up in a second, and when you do even though you won't be able to see me. I'll still be right here where I am now"

The vision of Brittany who stood in the centre of the room began to blur before I felt her body stir next to my own as she sat bolt right up clutching her head as tears fell freely from her eyes. She looked in my direction and broke a sob as she searched for me.

I sat up and moved forward so my arms embraced her "I'm right here B, I'm here and I'm not leaving you"

I don't know whether she knew she was feeling my presence but I felt her body relax a little against my arms, she lay back down on her side of the bed facing away from my own as the constant reminder of my absence chipped away at her heart.

But after placing a tender kiss to her temple and absorbing some of the pain that was flooding her chest she fell back into a light slumber and I continued to wrap my arms round her, guarding over her dreams and willing away the nightmares.


	2. Time To Stop Dreaming

That day she woke up and it almost felt like I was still alive, she put on her cheerio's uniform and kissed the photo of me that sat on her bedside table.

She scraped her hair into the familiar blonde ponytail, the only thing that was missing were the familiar sounds of our song that we listened to every morning. I saw her finger hover over her IPod once or twice, but some things take time.

I was always one step behind Brittany as she walked the familiar corridors of McKinley without me, ready to catch her should she fall.

She managed to keep it together all day, even when we walked into Glee club and she seen my chair occupied by someone else.

Of course this didn't stop me sitting in my chair although it has to be said sitting inside someone's body does feel like being trapped in sausage skin, especially when that body is a sweaty jock that smells like my grandma's couch.

I never really did get the chance to tell my friends in Glee club how much I loved them, even weeks after my passing the choir room still felt tense as they tried to adjust to my absence, everyone looking towards the door expecting me to follow in behind Britt.

Quinn sang songbird for Brittany, I know she meant well. But that's when Brittany lost it; I knew she'd been pushed to her limits for one day. I stalked behind her as she ran out of the choir room towards her locker.

She looked over towards mine expectantly, I willed her to open it, hoping she'd find the secret that lay behind the metal door, the secret that I had been saving in there for the right time.

It was almost as if she had picked up on my train of thought because sure enough two pale hands clasped the lock and entered my combination – 220994, Brittany's birthday.

I pushed my nose towards the crook of her neck and my arms wrapped around her slim frame as she opened the locker, I know she felt my warmth because for the first time in a month and a half she smiled.

She grazed her finger over the picture of us kissing on Valentines Day, she smiled as she focused on the photo of me holding Lord Tubbington.

And then she seen the gift wrapped rectangular box that sat at the bottom of my locker, an envelope peaking from underneath it inscribed with 'To Britty xo'

I felt her heart race as she gently took the envelope out, I placed my hand against her own as she pulled the letter from the envelope and began to read.

_Dear Brittany,_

_I've been trying to find the words too say everything that has been on my mind lately, do you remember the time we sat on the pier when we went too Sandusky Bay and you held my hand when the sun was starting to set and told me that we were meant to be?_

_Well I've been thinking about that a lot lately, I've been thinking about my future. And when I see myself in five years, ten years and twenty years' time, only one thing stays the same… You._

_You know I've never been the best with words, that was always you britt-britt. But I want you to come to New York with me; we can go to Juilliard together. We can get a place and I will make you those pancakes with the strawberry syrup that you love every single morning._

_I guess what I'm trying to say is that I want us to stop dreaming and start living. I want us to share a tenancy agreement, and fight over whose doing the dishes. I want us to sit in the same coffee shop every Sunday morning and do the wordsearch together like we do in the Lima bean. _

_I love you more than you could ever imagine Britt, You and Tubbington are mi familia. _

_I want you to wear this gift with pride every day knowing that you will always and forever wear my heart on your sleeve._

_Love you always B_

_San xo_

Tears brimmed in my own eyes as I felt Brittany's heart shatter into a thousand pieces, she undone the ribbon that I had painstakingly crafted and opened the box, a silver charm bracelet shining back at her.

She picked the jewellery up and examined it, our initials engraved into two heart shaped charms that sat next to each other, as well as charms of dolphins, a key and another charm engraved with the number eight.

I watched as she slipped it on over her dainty wrist, knowing that she would never remove it.

Brittany went home and took the letter with her; she put it on her bedside table and over the next few weeks read it every night before she went sleep, kissing it before she put it back in its sacred place next to my photo.

Brittany slowly began to fall back into a routine; she woke up at seven, got ready, kissed my photo and leaned towards her Ipod. Willing herself to listen to our song like we used to in the mornings, then she goes to school, comes home and practices her dancing. I am never more than a few feet away from her, I don't know whether she can feel me as much but I do know that whenever I graze my hand over her cheek and kiss her forehead she scrunches her nose and the smiles just the way she used to when I was alive.

I hadn't spoken to her since that night she saw me after she fell asleep, but nothing had changed. Every night I slipped into bed next to her, sometimes I slept but for most of the time I just watched over her and warned away any nightmares.

The things that causes the most problems is that sometimes I forget that I'm not alive anymore, sometimes she'll look in my direction and it's like she knows I'm there. She'll half smile and I'll feel her heart race a little faster, and for a second I'll go to pull her down to the bed and tuck the stray piece of hair behind her ear. But then I remember were different now.

Sometimes she'll even talk to me whilst she's getting ready, yesterday we had a very interesting conversation about how Lord Tubbington may have took a keen interest in the lady cat next door, she couldn't hear my replies but I think she knew I was answering her back and smiling like I always did. Like I always do.

For all the progress Brittany has made in three months I can feel her heart growing heavier, she won't allow herself to have fun or be happy, she just goes through the motions of her life, willing each day to pass a little faster.

Summer had came and went before Brittany received her acceptance letter from Juilliard, it was the first time since the funeral that she spoke to my parents. They called her to ask if she'd been accepted after they received my letter, it turns out I would have been going to Juilliard on a scholarship if I'd of only just been a few seconds early or even a few seconds late when I climbed into my car that evening.

My mom and Brittany talked for hours, they laughed and they cried as they recalled memories of me.

My mom asked Brittany if she planned on going to Juilliard and Brittany very quickly changed the subject, I knew she couldn't face going to Juilliard without me as soon as I seen her gaze move from the window to the letter that sat on her bedside table.

We went to sleep that night and I wrapped my arms around her body, half whispering lullabies into her ear. I know she can't hear me but it makes me feel better, I personally think she can hear them in her heart because she always falls sound asleep whenever I finish my song.

I was slowly starting to close my own eyes when I heard the familiar voice of my lover address me "San, what are you doing here?"

I looked up from the sleeping blonde to the dream version who stood tall in the centre of the room, stepping away from the bed and kissing her collar bone as she ran her fingers through my dark thick hair "Santana I've missed you so much" the last of her sentence was choked through a tight sob.

I placed my hands at the base of her back, holding her as she shook "its okay Britt, I've been right here the whole time, I'll always be right here. You know I won't leave you"

I felt the tender lips press against my own and the warm breathe tantalize my cool lips, "Santana I can't go to Juilliard without you, I don't know If I can do this. I can barely make it through the day without forgetting you're aren't going to be waiting by locker"

I looked at her, her cobalt irises burrowing deep within my soul "Brittany I never leave your side, I even hold your hand when you watch Sweet Valley High, you aren't going to Juilliard without me, because we're going together."

A resounding hiccupping sob escaped the girl in front of me as she violently shook her head "this isn't the way it's supposed to be, were supposed to be young and in love and slow dancing at prom"

I wrapped my arms around her lithe frame and began to hum the notes to our song, "Brittany we are young and in love, and we are going to dance at prom" I felt the warm trickle of tears hit the flesh on my shoulder as I gently rocked her to the hum of my notes. The tiniest of smiles erupting on her face as I twirled her around just like I used too.

I saw the movement of the body that lay in the bed "Brittany you're going to wake up soon and I need you too try and remember this, I need you to go to Juilliard, baby we have to stop dreaming and start living" I placed my lips against her own as she whispered I love you's before fading from my grasp.

The physical Brittany sat upright and gasped for air as she looked at the space where her consciousness and I stood mere seconds ago. "Santana I don't know if you can hear me, or if I'm just talking to myself, but I miss you. I miss you more than I can bare"

I climbed on the bed and took my usual position curled at her side with my hand on her heart "I'm right here Britt, I'm not going anywhere"

I whispered lullabies in her ear before I felt her drift into a slumber, kissing her temple before resting my head on her shoulder.


	3. The Beginning

I sat and watched the world spin around me, I watched my friends graduate from high school. Brittany and Rachel had found a small apartment in New York, Rach was going to NYADA and Brittany had finally worked up the courage to accept her place at Juilliard and it made me happy knowing that she would at least have one familiar face too make her pancakes in the morning.

It made my heart want to double over and do backflips when I saw from the outside how much my friends rallied around Brittany. But it also made my heart want to crack into a million pieces seeing everyone leave that choir room for the last time.

They lit a candle on top of the piano next to my photo and dedicated their last song together to me; I'd say Valerie was a pretty fitting tribute.

Brittany is finally starting to let herself be happy without me; she even agreed to her mom's idea of going to a group bereavement session once a week before she left for Juilliard.

It was baby steps but my girl is making progress.

I watched everyone leave the choir room that day not knowing if I'd ever see any of them again, I placed my hand on Quinn's shoulder and a tear rolled down her cheek, she muttered something under her breathe inaudible to the rest of the group but I heard her. _"I miss you so much Santana."_

I didn't think it was possible for anyone to see me, but when me and Brittany walked to her bereavement session for the first time that day, a blind man stopped her in the street and asked her for directions.

She politely told him she didn't know the way but then he turned to face me "excuse me mam, do you know the directions?"

I told him it was three blocks away and gave him a route, Brittany's heart quickened and she continued to walk on but I know that she smiled at the possibility of me always being two steps behind her. Always being there to guide her through.

When we got to the group session Brittany took her seat in the circle and I stood firmly behind her, it made me feel a little less lonely seeing the other people like me standing behind their loved ones.

Some of them were young, some of them were parents, I swear there was even a dog that sat by its former owners chair.

Brittany went too her sessions every week, she even struck up a friendship with a boy named Eric, it turns out he was going to Juilliard as well too study Liberal Arts.

Eric and Brittany would go for coffee after the sessions and me and his guardian Lisa made small chit chat, it turns out that much like me and Brittany they too were in love.

Lisa had died of complications of a heart surgery a few months prior to my own demise. I began to warm to her slightly more when I saw that she too wasn't keen on the idea of our living half's getting together, but I could see it in Eric's soul that just like my Brittany he wasn't ready to move on from Lisa, I could see that they were both just looking for support, which they found in one another.

The day Brittany left for Juilliard my parents came too her house with a gift, they gave her my grandmothers engagement ring. They told her that my father's mother had passed away some weeks before in Mexico and that she hadn't changed her will after I died. They told her that I would have wanted her to have the ring.

I wrapped my arms around my mother's back and kissed her shoulder as she breathed in a large gulp of air. I know it broke her heart having to watch the world carry on spinning without me.

Brittany packed her boxes, she didn't take much but she didn't throw away anything that reminded her of me, my tshirt, toothbrush, cheerio's jacket, photos and letter were neatly packed into a box. I heard her mutter a few times that we were going to Juilliard _together._

Eric and Brittany drove to New York, me and Lisa sat in the back and I felt like I had made a friend, I told her how sometimes when Brittany needs me she'll see me in her dreams.

Lisa told me how Eric talks to her when he goes on his fishing trips, sometimes he sees her reflection in the water and for a second before he realises the absurdity of it all, he'll smile back at her and it feels like the weekends they spent by the lake house when she was alive.

I took a second too admire Lisa and Eric when they stopped at a gas station, they truly were soul mates like me and Britt.

I watched as her light ginger hair contrasted with his black t shirt, how a twinkle in his eyes and a smile on his lips formed when she ran her hair through his dark brown curly mop.

It was during that road trip that I heard Brittany laugh for the first time, it broke my heart and made me ecstatic all at the same time seeing my girl start to live again.

Berry had left for New York a few days before us, she had already prepared the apartment when Brittany arrived, there were strawberry pancakes waiting on the table and I knew that this was a good place for Britt to be.

Rachel and Brittany sat at the table as they ate dinner that night, "Rachel do you think Santana is still around us?" it was the first time Brittany had mentioned my name to anyone other than our parents.

Rachel looked at her with her doe eyed gaze "Brittany, I think Santana is sat in that chair right now laughing at my sweater and holding your pinky. I think if there is an afterlife she's spending hers with you"

I smiled at the sentiment of Rachel's reply. She got my location wrong, I was actually stood behind Brittany with my arms draped over her shoulders but still the sentiment pretty much hit the nail on the head.

Eric came over to the apartment at least twice a week, me and Lisa already knew the pair of them better than they knew there selves but it was the first time Brittany ever told anyone our story when they sat and drank coffee that evening.

She looked into his deep brown eyes that somewhat reminded her of my own, and just started to speak.

"Santana was my true love, we were best friends since kindergarten, I fell in love with her before I even knew what love was. We were planning on coming to New York together, going to Juilliard and living our dreams, we were supposed to be the forever couple.

But then a freight rig came crashing through our hopes and before I knew it I was sat holding her hand whilst she died in her hospital bed. People keep telling me that she's around, sometimes I convince myself that she is… Little things you know? Like the way I can almost feel her fingers through my hair, or I'll dream of her telling me the things I need to hear, sometimes I'll look out the window and I can almost see her looking back at me.

But she's dead and gone, and I don't know how I am supposed to live every day watching my life pass before me, because the truth is I don't know how to live without her."

She traced her pale blonde fingers over the mug and looked up at Eric waiting for a response; Lisa leaned in to the conversation, neither of us sure where all of this was going.

"Her name was Lisa and we met at middle school, I was always a band nerd. But she, oh god she was the most beautiful girl I'd ever seen. We used to sneak up to the lake house and just sit on the decking watching the birds fly over the water.

We never had to say one word, we were just comfortable around each other. We had dreams of running away to Cali, but then she got sick. I kept telling myself she would get better, I never even got to say goodbye.

Before they wheeled her to her surgery she tried to tell me her goodbyes and I wouldn't listen. I told her that she'd see me afterwards and she never did."

I placed my hand on Lisa's back as she broke a gentle sob, "Santana I wanted to tell him how much I loved him, I wanted to tell him how if I didn't make it I wanted him to find someone who would take care of him like I would of, but he was always so adamant that everything was going to be okay!"

I pulled the smaller woman into me for a hug, stroking the ginger hair that fell down her back "this is about us moving on just as much as its about them, they know we love them – but we have to love them enough to let them live without us"

We turned back to face the pair who sat in a comfortable silence, just the way me and Britt used too and just the way Eric and Lisa used too. I placed my hand on top of Lisa's for moral support "Lis, I don't know about you but I would sooner they be happy together than miserable on their own"

Lisa walked forward placing a kiss on the mop of brown hair that sat opposite my Brittany, "Eric I love you so much, but it's my time."

I watched as she spent a lasting moment stroking the mop of brown hair, grazing her fingers down his toned arms before wrapping her own around his chest.

"Santana I wanted to tell him before I died that if the worst happened, I wanted him to move on and find a girl who would take care of him, then when I saw him cry in the waiting room when the doctors told him there were complications with the surgery I said I'd never leave him all alone. But Eric and Brittany have each other to get through this; it's time for me to go wait for him on the other side – come with me Santana?"

I looked at my soul mate whose nose scrunched up as Eric told her about a time he and Lisa fell in the lake. I knew in my heart they would be together and that it would break me but as much as I wanted to go into the light and wait for my lover I knew I could never leave her.

"Lisa I can't leave her, you know I can't. She's my world and I won't leave her side until we cross over together"

Lisa smiled at me, extending her hand as she pulled me into a tight hug "Santana, if you ever get the chance you tell my Eric I loved him more than he will ever know, you tell him that I'm waiting for him and that I went in peace" I pulled my head back and looked into her eyes "Lisa I will see you again one day, send me a postcard from time to time and let me know what it's really like up there"

She smiled and put her hand on my arm "It's time for me to go San, you look after our two"

I nodded my head before watching her step into the light that embraced her, she slowly faded from view and a slight gust of wind blew through apartment.

"I'll just close a window it's getting a little chilly in here" Brittany walked up to the window and closed it before turning back to Eric who looked from his coffee to her cobalt eyes.

"Brittany, I know that you're not ready to move on just yet and I don't know if I am either, but do you think I could take you for dinner sometime?"

I felt the bile rose in my throat as well as Brittany's as she processed the information that just left Eric's mouth, her bottom lip quivering as she began to tear up. I felt her heart in two minds, I knew she didn't want to leave my memory and that I would always be her soul mate but I could feel the loneliness that was starting to consume her.

"Shit, Britty I'm so sorry I didn't mean to upset you. Fuck I don't know what I was thinking"

Brittany's sobs began to grow hysterical as she turned to face the man who had risen from his chair "S-S-San used to call me Britty"

I walked up to my girl, encompassing her in my tanned arms and placing gentle kisses on the side of her face as my heart began to crumble at the thought of her moving on from our relationship, but I tried to remind myself that she couldn't be alone for all her life and that she'd have to move on at some point.

As if by miracle Rachel walked through the front door from her orientation day at NYADA, "oh god Brittany what's happened?" she rushed over and embraced her, I'm sure she felt the cool air tingle her skin as her arms and mine overlapped.

She turned to Eric who was slowly backing away unsure of what to do. Her voice growing quieter and slightly sterner "Eric I think you need to leave."

He quickly obeyed the request and ran down the stairs of the apartment building and all Brittany could choke out was the word that was the start and end of her… my name.

After Brittany had calmed down, she explained what had happened and how she and Eric talked about me and Lisa.

How for the first time since I died she felt happy to be in someone else's company, she told her how Eric asked if he could take her for dinner sometime but she that she could never just forget about me like that.

Rachel wrapped her arms around my blonde, kissing her forehead and wiping the tears from the corners of her eyes

"Brittany, Santana wouldn't want you to be alone - she wouldn't want you to mourn her like this. She would want you to start moving on and get to know other people"

Brittany violently shook her head before blubbering through broken sentences how she could never leave me in the dust, how I was her soul mate and she'd never love another.

Rachel placed her hand on the pale shoulder that shook next to her "Brittany, just because Santana was your soul mate doesn't mean you can't learn to love again, it doesn't mean you can't learn to be happy even though she's not here"

Brittany wiped her tears and excused herself to her bedroom, I followed her through and sat on her bed as she grabbed my picture from the bedside table and hunched herself into the smallest of balls around it

"San I don't know what to do, why can't you just be here? Why did you have to be in the car that night?"

It breaks my heart to see her like this but I know it will take her a while to learn to adjust to life without me, the same way it will take Eric time to adjust without Lisa.

I sat by and watched over her as she sobbed herself to sleep, knowing that she would come to speak to me once she fell into her dreams and sure enough her conscience moved away from her physical body and into the centre of the room.

Her voice croaking as she cried out my name before wrapping her arms around me. "Its okay Britt-Britt, I'm here, I've got you. It's okay"

I let her sob on my shoulder for a few minutes before cupping her face "Brittany go on the date with Eric" I watched as her face crumpled slightly. "No Santana I won't"

I argued with her for a few minutes explaining that I wanted her to move on and that she deserved someone who'd make her happy "Santana I'm not going on a date, forget it."

I gave her my sternest look before crossing my arms "why the hell not Brittany?" her watery eyes looked up to meet my own "because Eric's not you and he never will be. There will never be another you"

I pulled her into my arms and kissed her temple before smoothing out her blonde locks,

"you don't need another me Britt, you've already got me. I've never left your side, but he's a good guy and I can feel it in your heart that he makes you happy in a way other people don't.

We will always be soul mates and we will have all of eternity one day to be together but you can't spend your life on your own.

So you are going to go on that date with Eric and it will be fucking magical and happy and goddamn it you will have a good time!"

The last of my rant made her giggle that infectious laughter that used to take all the anger from me. "Santana I miss you so much, the pain never goes away"

I kiss her shoulder and wrap her up in my arms trying to protect her from all of the badness in the world even if its only for a few seconds

"the pain will get duller and eventually you will be able to accept that and you will learn to fill the void where it all hurts with happiness.

Eric is the start too filling that void so you tell that curly haired shnitzl to take care of my girl"

I saw the familiar stir of the body in the bed to know that Brittany was about to wake up, she saw it too and wrapped her arms around my neck and peppered my face with kisses "don't ever leave me San"

I smiled into her kisses as she began to slowly fade "I'm always right here, I will always be right here until we cross over together" I closed my eyes as the feeling of the pale hand against my cheek faded and she woke up on the bed panting before she turned to my picture.


	4. The Story Of Eric and Brittany Goldstein

It had been eight years since I last spoke to Brittany, the last time we spoke was the night before she called Eric to go on that date. Sometimes I wish I never told her to go on that date, maybe then she wouldn't be in this situation but I've watched her and her family every waking second of the last eight years and I've grown to love them, even Eric a little bit.

Eric and Brittany loved each other deeply but in the strangest of ways, they never once referred to each other as soul mates and never shared the deep sentimental exchanges that young in love couples tend to do, they found in each other someone to spend their lives with, but I don't think either of them ever went a day without thinking of Lisa and I.

Brittany and Eric had been together for four years when he asked her to marry him; I screamed and cried so hard that night it took out all of the power as far as West 77th street for twenty minutes.

Eric always laughs about it and tells people at parties how when he proposed it took out New York for twenty minutes, Brittany shifts uncomfortably every time because somewhere deep in her heart she knows that my love for her could have moved mountains, let alone twenty minutes of power on Broadway.

Sometimes I still sit next to Brittany's side of the bed and hold her hand whilst she sleeps, I stopped climbing into bed with her after she accepted Eric's proposal, not because I was angry, but because somewhere deep down I knew he won her fair and square and it was now his job to protect Brittany, to hold her whilst she slept and stroke her head on our anniversary, which she still cried on every year, but every now and then in the dead of night when everyone was asleep, she stirs the tiniest of stirs and my hand would always be there guiding hers back into the safety of her slumber.

Everybody went to their wedding, including my parents at Brittany's bequest, she asked them to sit in the front row next to her parents. I think in her heart she wanted them to be a part of her wedding because they'd never get to be a part of mine.

She even asked Eric if they could have a moment of silence at the reception for Lisa and I, my mother managed to keep her composure until Brittany walked over to speak to her afterwards, a single tear falling from her cobalt eyes as she whispered to my mother how it show of been me and her stood at the alter that day.

I mean, in retrospect I'm glad Brittany and Eric have each other, they are a beautiful couple.

Eric is broad shouldered and muscular now, his boyish charm now chiselled into smouldering good looks, his once curly mop of hair now cropped short, giving his hair an untameable thick appearance whilst thick stubble adorns his face, he joined the army after dropping out of Juilliard and since then his transformation from an artsy liberal boy to a muscly G.I Joe had been all too apparent.

Captain Eric Goldstein was promoted three weeks before their wedding after saving his troops from IED explosives in Afghanistan, he wore his uniform with pride at the reception, his hat under his arm as three medals of service sat proudly on his chest whilst he mingled with fellow guests.

Brittany doesn't look a day older than the day I left her, it's like were both trapped in youth together, unwilling to grow old without the other, she looked stunning on her wedding day, her white ivory dress flowing to the ground as she carried three pink roses, my cheerio's pin discreetly placed underneath a fold in the material of the dress, she whispered that she was only going to marry Eric until death did them part and that she didn't want me to be jealous. It didn't take any of the pain away watching my sweet girl on the most important day of her life, knowing that she wasn't walking down the aisle to me.

They spent a year in married bliss before finding out Brittany was pregnant, Eric was already back on tour by the time she found out and all though she was lonely whilst he was away it felt like a matter of days for me until baby cries filled the air and choked sobs of love escaped mine and Brittany's lips.

Eric made it back for the birth, he was at Walmart when her waters broke buying her demand of peanut butter and snickers bars. If Brittany could of seen my face when her waters broke I know she would of laughed and traced her hand down my cheek just like she used to, she rarely spoke to me, even when nobody was around and it scared me because I thought she was forgetting all about me, but when her waters broke I know she felt my arms guiding her towards the sofa and I think she knew I was listening when she sobbed "Santana you're meant to be here right now, why aren't you here?"

He stroked Brittany's hair as she cradled their child. I sat in the corner whilst she lay in the bed kissing that sweet little girls forehead. I closed my eyes for a moment imagining that this was just me and Brittany, that the little girl she was holding was our daughter and that just for a few minutes I wasn't the loneliest person in the world, waiting patiently at Brittany's side protecting her and those around her until she was ready to come and be young with me again.

Brittany named their baby girl Lisa Santana Goldstein, but when she started to crawl and giggle and do that infectious baby gabble that seems to take all the hate out of the world she instantly became known solely as Tana.

Eric was always away on tour but Brittany didn't mind, their marriage was sailing on a stormy ship and had been for a while, they were never in love in the first place to fall out of it, but having your best friend/Husband in a warzone with a toddler crawling around wasn't ideal for anybody.

Brittany bounced the little girl on her hip one night as she encouraged her to use her new founded vocabulary "Tana say dog? Can you say woof-woof?" the little girl repeated Brittany enthusiastically waving her hands around as Britt handed her the toy dog as the phone rang.

"Hey Britt it's me Eric, I'm just calling to see how both my girls are doing?"

Brittany shifted on the couch, placing the phone underneath her chin whilst she settled the small girl on her lap and ran her hand over her curly dark hair, much like her fathers.

"Hey Eric, were okay me and Tan are going to toddler swimming classes next week, I'm trying to start her potty training what with the paediatrician and all but she pooped in your running shoe so I had to buy you some new ones"

"Great, just great, put daddies little poop machine on the phone will you Britt"

Brittany laughed as she placed the receiver to the little girls ear, her eyes brightening up as she heard her dads voice.

"Sgt. Tana I thought we went over this when I was home? No pooping in anywhere other than you diper?"

The little girl babbled inaudibly to her dad and shook the phone before repeating 'Daddy' endlessly much to Brittany's amusement.

"Eric I'm going to put her down for a nap, I'll see you in a few weeks. Be safe out there we love you."

Brittany carried the little girl to her bedroom and Santana followed dutifully, whilst Brittany sat in the rocking chair in the middle of the room and gently rocked the little girl.

"Have I ever told you how you got your name? once there was a beautiful girl, the most beautiful girl mommy had ever seen, her name was Santana, Santana had to leave one day and Mommy didn't know why, Mommy missed her smile and the way she made Mommy happy. She never loved anyone as much as she loved Santana until she met you, and when I looked into your big brown eyes I knew I'd never see anyone as beautiful again, until the day I see her again."

As Brittany rambled tears fell down my cheeks as I realised that she too is waiting to see me again, the little girl fell fast asleep in Brittany's arms and snores quickly escaped the blonde as she too fell asleep, I kissed both their foreheads and sat on the children's furniture guarding them both.


End file.
